The month of August has been financially draining, with the wedding being only 3 months away, the expenses are rolling in. I am honestly ready for next year so we can start saving more than we have been. However, being financially stable is not the only thing I have been focusing on here lately.
A little over 2 months ago, I started my fitness journey with running 3 times a week and trying to eat healthier. Although my eating hasn’t been too healthy here the last week or so I have been running at least 9 miles a week and let me tell you, it feels amazing! Life has never been better. On April 29th 2018 I plan to run a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles). Since I have started running I am trying my best to eat clean and plan to add some weight lifting. I know for a fact that by April 29th my life will be completely different then it is today and that thought feels amazing.
(3 HOURS LATER)
Let me re-coop.. I have been running for a little over 2 months now. This experience has been one of the most amazing things I have ever done for my self. I want to give thanks to my sister for doing this with me and getting me to do this with her. I could not be happier with how close I feel we are getting by going through this journey together. I feel it has changed my whole life and what I personally want in life for me, my relationships, and my future children’s life (5-6 years from now). Life has been going amazing! I actually felt like I was going somewhere with my life.
Now with that being said these past 2 weeks have been difficult, My depression has kicked my butt so I haven’t blogged. I have been eating unhealthy and haven’t been able to run as fast as I feel I should by now. I lay in bed until I absolutely have to get up for work. I have thought endlessly about what I am doing wrong and why I can not just laugh like I used to be able to. I have cried. I have tried to figure out why this is all hitting me again, now, when I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to, when I was on top of the world.
This past weekend, last Sunday, I sat in church listening to the preacher saying rise above the norm. God does not want a person to be in the norm he wants you to be a person that follows him, his book, and listens to him. Depression is the norm, letting people get to you is the norm, cussing is the norm, etc.. I think you get the point. I sit here today wondering why it is so hard to change from the norm? I know part of it is because, it is hard to let go of life and let him guide and control where you go with your life. It is hard to live in this life and not go along with it.
These past weeks I have been listening more to Christian music then I have in a while, I also have read the bible more than I have done in a while. I have talked to people about him and I feel there is no better time then now to become fully devoted to him. I am ready to be able to laugh endlessly, smile, love myself, and preach his word more than ever. He is my father and no matter what I am going through he is there for me. For which I should be there for him till the end of time.
Life without him in my life has been draining I have done wrong, felt wrong and I am fully ready to open my heart to him.
“Teach me to do your will, for you my God. May your gracious spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalms: 143:10
If you have been on the edge about following Christ. Just know he is ready when you are and is with you through it all.
In conclusion, life isn’t always about yourself. It cant be. Life is life and there will be times that you have to get up out of bed, wipe your face off, pray and live your life to the fullness you can without getting close to sin. I sit here today knowing and saying that I have messed up and am ready to let my spirit live upon me by following God. I know that through time I will be able to do what I hope to do in my life but not by myself. It will be with God everywhere I go. Do not be afraid to take that step and follow him. There was one time I was listening to a preacher on the radio with my dad and she said “you are either fully in or you are not in at all.” Take that to mind and do not be afraid to take the step. Give it all to him, let your guard down, and let him take care of it all.
Jesus said “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.” Mark 10:27
Believe it because for he is the one that knows all things and as said everything is possible with him.